TUESDAY, DECEMBER 12, 2017

Category: Uncategorized

Cancellations

As noted in my last post, I had expected that I would be appearing at Many Gods West 2017 to vend and read, as well as to teach a seminar on Mead Brewing as a Spiritual Practice, but it turns out that this is not to be.  Though my recent surgery was successful in removing the ovarian cyst and revealed that it was benign, the cervical cancer itself is the source of the majority of the pain I’ve been experiencing and that has been worsening rather than improving, to the point that even after ratcheting up my medications I am still in too much pain to effectively manage most of my usual day-to-day tasks, let alone vend and teach a class, and what pain relief can be achieved with medication comes at the expense of much cognitive function.  Therefore it is with a heavy heart that I have cancelled my appearance at Many Gods West, along with my other August events.

What light there is at the end of the tunnel comes in the form of the hope that the pain will begin to be reduced by my upcoming regimen of daily radiation and weekly chemo.  I appreciate the kind wishes and prayers that so many have extended to me during this time, and hope that within a few weeks I will be able to muster an update with better news.

 

Health and Events Update

As noted in my last post, my regular posting schedule has been suspended due to health issues.  It turns out that I have cervical cancer in addition to the ovarian cyst (which grew in the month between its first sighting via ultrasound and the CT scan that followed), and ovarian cancer is also a possibility due both to troubling markings and the cyst having attached itself to the nearby intestinal wall.  I will be having surgery on the 25th of July, during which the ovary will be biopsied to determine whether or not ovarian cancer is indeed part of the picture, although the probability of both cancers having developed simultaneously is minimal, thankfully.  After I’ve recovered from the surgery I will have radiation and chemo, and while all of these treatments have their risks, I am still grateful that now there is a treatment plan, and a light at the end of the tunnel – like any good Capricorn, I am much happier when I have concrete facts and actions to ground me, and I feel like I can face anything so long as I have a plan.

This has forced me to cancel my appearances at events in June and July, and another appearance in early August, but it looks like I’ve managed to schedule the surgery with just enough recovery time to still be able to make it to Many Gods West, where I will be vending and teaching a mead brewing seminar, though I will need to take some steps to make sure that I don’t overdo it, and probably won’t be as lively at the conference as I would otherwise like to be.  I will not be scheduling further event appearances until I make it through this.

I am very grateful for the love, support, and prayers of my friends, and particularly for the aid of my maternal aunts, Dorothy, Linda, and Lucy, who have formed what Dorothy calls “The Assembly of Auspicious Aunties.” They have indeed been living up to that name and have been helping to coordinate getting me to my medical appointments and acting as clear-headed backup brains to help make up for my brain fog resulting from pain, meds, reduced appetite, and chronic sleep deprivation.  They have also been wonderful to talk to and reconnect with after many years of separation due to my stepmother’s fear and dislike of my mother’s family resulting in her actively preventing them from seeing me combined with her poisonously divisive programming of my young mind, that taught me that they didn’t want me or care about me.  Nothing could be further from the truth.

I’m also deeply grateful for my stepmother’s two caregivers who tend to her personal care on an alternating schedule, Cathy and Grace, with whom I have developed a friendship.  I try not to worry them with my situation, but both of them check in on me and try to help me with finding ways to manage my own care while making sure that my stepmother continues to be well tended to.  They are both immigrants, so my interactions with them over the past few years have helped to educate me on the experiences of immigrants now in the era of Trump, and I find myself feeling fiercely protective of them and their families.  Their stories, their strength, their kindness and dedication and compassion move me deeply.  Even if I hadn’t grown so close to them as a result of living in the same house with each of them for half the week, I would find them admirable, but in the midst of this illness I am continually reminded that women and men like them are the people who build this country from the ground up.  My job here would be infinitely harder without them even if I wasn’t sick, and now that I am, I know that it would be impossible to get through this if I didn’t have their support.

Experiencing the loving care of these two extraordinary ladies and my amazing aunts has been the silver lining in all of this.

As has the change in my perspective.  When faced with my own mortality and even greater physical limitations than those caused by my usual autoimmune issues, priorities change.  I’ve actually become more obsessively creative, but in tiny doses throughout the day, whenever I can either beat the pain and fog enough to draw, or via knitting to distract myself from the pain when it’s bad but not incapacitating – knitting the patterns I know by heart requires even less brain power than drawing, and it’s remarkable how far you can get knitting a few stitches here, another few after the worst of the pain subsides.

For the most part, I can still woman up enough to haul myself out of bed and do what I need to in order to manage my stepmother’s care, but these days more and more of that work is conducted from my bed, with the caregivers keeping me posted on what needs to be done, reminding me of whatever my foggy brain has forgotten and making sure I stay on-task.  One of the more frustrating aspects of this is that between the brain fog and the constant pain, everything I do is much, much slower – to put things in perspective, I started this post shortly before the end of June, and have struggled each week since to try to finish it and get it posted.  If not for my extreme stubbornness, I wouldn’t get anything done at all, but I am stubborn, and each day I tackle the most crucial tasks in bite-sized pieces until those pieces add up to something complete.  Even if it’s only one small thing complete, at least it’s something.  It’s ironic that I came out here to care for a terminally ill woman, and now find myself a patient as well.  I am lucky that I can extend my influence from my bed through the computer, that I can do so many tasks electronically, even if painfully slowly.  I am lucky that I am only afflicted with brain fog and not the full-blown dementia from which she suffers, and that this illness is treatable and therefore temporary, however scary it may be.  Watching my muscle mass shrink due to my inability to eat reminds me of watching her wither due to her emotional lack of appetite when the dementia really began to become serious, though unlike her I am still actively trying to make sure that I get good nutrition, even if it is all liquids and purees.

A few months back a fellow astrologer and numerologist pointed out the combination of both the Sun and Mercury in my natal chart at 22 degrees that he saw as indicating that I would need to become a “guide” to a family member.  Since this is the area of Capricorn that Pluto will be transiting in another couple of years (a couple of years before the United States’ Pluto return), I have given much thought to how this corresponds to my efforts to help my stepmother during her lengthy process of dying.  While I am not going to assume that this disease was divinely given in order to make me more compassionate toward her by giving me an inside look at the experience of a debilitating illness, nonetheless it is perhaps a side benefit in the midst of the pain and disruption of my life, something to give me more understanding and hopefully help me to help her better during her final days (weeks, months, years…).  If all goes well with my treatment, then perhaps I will be better equipped with the empathy to help her face her own mortality.  In the meantime, like her I am becoming intimately familiar with the view from my bedroom window, and with the process of waiting.

 

 

 

Prolonged Absence

I’ve dropped off the Internet for the past few weeks.  For those wondering why, I’ve been going through health problems that have almost completely disrupted my life, so that writing anything at all, even a short update, has been beyond my capability, much less maintaining the schedule of daily posting that I had been before this.

I’ve been diagnosed with a large ovarian cyst and uterine fibroids, and there are some reasons for concern about the potential for ovarian cancer with this, both because of the initial ultrasound results and the way that cancer gallops through both sides of my family.  More testing is on the way, and surgery – how extensive that surgery will be depends on the test results and whether the cyst in particular turns out to be cancerous.  Meanwhile, I am being bombarded with some pretty awful symptoms resulting from the cyst and fibroids themselves plus all of the other bodily systems impacted by the resulting changes in my abdominal landscape, including things I would not have expected, such as my hips and tailbone refusing to function normally and impacting my ability to walk (or stand, or sit, or lie down…).  I’ve dealt with fibromyalgia and autoimmune issues for years and thought I was fairly decent at managing pain before all this, so I was rather blindsided by the extent to which this condition has incapacitated me, despite the corollary astrological transits that I had previously noted approaching – transiting Saturn is currently squaring my natal Pluto while simultaneously transiting Pluto is conjuncting my natal Venus, Sun, and Mercury at the same time, a combination tailor-made for dismantling and rebuilding my self (particularly my self as a woman) from the ground up, and doing so in some especially challenging ways.

It’s probably going to be a while before I get back to posting here regularly.  At this point, if I do post any new content it will most likely be on Patreon for my supporters there (the art that accompanies this post is included here, along with some notes on its creation).  I am still doing readings at a few events over the course of the summer, and praying that my event schedule doesn’t get disrupted too badly by the surgery and recovery time – the surgery has not yet been scheduled, but it needs to happen soon to maximize my capacity to survive if the cyst does indeed turn out to be cancerous.  I will post here once I know more.  Meanwhile, I am still drawing (really slowly), knitting (also slowly), and keeping an eye on the heavens.  Life continues, even if I’m currently forced to conduct it at a snail’s pace.

 

 

 

Astrology of February 6th, 2017: Luck and Limitations

In the early morning hours today the Moon in Gemini trined the Sun in Aquarius, creating a state of flow and harmony between our unconscious and conscious awareness to start the day, increasing our desire for knowledge and our interest in the world around us, as well as heightening our social awareness.  A few hours later the Moon in Gemini sextiled Uranus in Aries, likely adding to the quick pace of the morning for those of us on diurnal schedules.  Since this was a harmonious aspect, it’s not likely to have rushed beyond our capabilities to enjoyable handle, and definitely gave those who could take advantage of the increased emphasis on self-direction an opportunity to shine.  

The Moon in Gemini squared Chiron in Pisces toward mid-day, which may have ended up making some of us feel a bit abraded and frustrated or hurt, typically as a result of communication missteps resulting from failed attempts at connection, and those of us with ongoing health problems could have found ourselves on the wrong end of the Moon in Gemini’s frenetic pace, feeling burnt out and exhausted, and unable to keep up.

This is followed by the Moon in Gemini trine Jupiter in Libra, giving our emotions an expansive, social tone, so for those of us who managed to successfully navigate through that patch of burn out, this aspect likely has helped us to carry forward the active tone of the morning.  Even for those to whom the Moon/Chiron square proved to be more of a stumbling block, the Moon/Jupiter trine is likely to have been a blessing in getting us back on the horse for the afternoon, helping us to understand instinctively how our thoughts and communication enhance or detract from our good fortune in life, and giving us an opportunity to magnify our own optimism and with it our statistical probability of having a better life.  People who are “lucky” typically don’t have more good experiences than others – they just have more experiences, period.  They get out and try more, are more curious and interested in life (qualities that Gemini exercises in spades), and Jupiter today was happy to help encourage us in that direction.

This was followed by Mercury in Capricorn sextiling Black Moon Lilith in Scorpio in the early afternoon, helping us to extend our communication to normally hidden or taboo subjects without incurring negative consequences to our goals and reputations in the process, and potentially even enhancing them.  This made this afternoon a great time for ferreting out secrets that could be useful to us, though given the continuing proximity of Pluto in Capricorn it would be best if the use we make of this knowledge benefits more people than just ourselves.

The Moon in Gemini opposing Saturn in Sagittarius this afternoon may put a damper on things, increasing our feelings of limitation and insecurity, giving heightened prominence to the obstacles in our way, particularly when it comes to communication, learning, and social interactions.  Of course, we may also take these things more seriously and apply more discipline in these areas, and if we do, we will become aware of the need to balance our desire to learn and communicate with the need to pace ourselves and exercise caution in what we do with the information we obtain.  Since this aspect begins a lunar void-of-course period, it makes sense to fall back on our routines this afternoon and evening, and not begin any bold new ventures at this time.  This can also be a good time to have a few friends over, especially the kind who don’t mind a little seriousness and can help us ease our frustrations with some good camaraderie.

Later tonight the Moon enters watery Cancer, encouraging us to cozy up at home with family and friends, and give ourselves the time and space that we need to process our changing moods.  The Moon rules Cancer, so our emotions, instincts, and unconscious awareness are in their place of power tonight.  This is a good night for dreaming, so those of us who like to work with dream knowledge should be sure to keep something by our beds to write down what we remember in the morning.  This lunar placement makes house and home priorities tonight and over the next couple of days, and hones our business sense and intuitions, so being conscious of questions relating to these areas before going to bed tonight is likely to yield new insights.

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If you enjoyed this post, please consider becoming one of my supporters on Patreon, where I have posted the digital art that accompanies today’s analysis here, along with some background on its creation.  Not only will you get an inside look into my divinatory art, but you will also help keep this blog alive and me writing and creating art daily.  I am incredibly grateful for my supporters!

(All aspect times are calculated for Pacific Standard Time.  I tend to speak in broad terms when I reference time on this blog, referring to time-frames like “morning” or “afternoon” rather than specific times, since I still have a lot of friends on the East Coast who read these posts and I’d like them to be pertinent to those friends as well as folks here on the West Coast.  Readers from further abroad will need to adjust time-frames accordingly.)

New Art on Patreon plus Art on RedBubble

I’ve been busy lately getting more art created and posted on Patreon lately, though I haven’t been so great about listing that here.  :/

Divinatory Drawing, November 17th, 2016

Divinatory Drawing, November 18th, 2016

Divinatory Drawing, November 19th, 2016

I’ve also started adding divinatory drawings on RedBubble, which is a site where I can post my art and they kindly make it into art prints and physical objects for you to purchase.  I currently don’t have art up there with the date and astrological notations, though I think I may make those versions available there as well – just have to figure out how I wish to make the distinction between the two.  I will only be listing drawings there that I think will translate well into physical objects.  The very Capricornian April 10th, 2015 image is the first of the divinatory drawings that I’ve made available there.